Бесплатный фрагмент - 111 Life Lessons from my wonderful Grandma

Introduction

Today I decided that my wonderful grandmother’s advice must be shared with the world — for it is a true treasure chest of life’s wisdom!

Grandma is living her best life: for nearly three quarters of a century she has walked side by side with the man she loves. She has four close-knit children, nine grandchildren, and already seven great-grandchildren. We adore gathering for holidays and spending time together — usually at our grandparents’ house.

But Grandma hasn’t only raised children. She worked, built businesses, and traveled the world. Just a couple of years ago she and Grandpa went on a cruise through the Mediterranean, and last year they flew to Italy to hear Tosca at La Scala — simply because they wanted to hear an Italian opera live. Needless to say, that trip inspired them to tour Europe, and they didn’t come back home for an entire month!

My grandmother is not the type who gets up at five to milk a cow or insists that everyone plant potatoes every spring. Nor is she the type to complain about poor eyesight or gossip about neighbors. If there is anyone in this world who truly knows how to love themselves, others, and life itself — it is her!

In short, she is my compass in life. And I thought that anyone would be interested to hear what such an extraordinary woman thinks and says about life. So I’ve tried to gather as many of her insights as I could, on the widest range of life’s themes.

Advice 1

Never betray yourself. If you feel a pull to apply to the conservatory but instead choose accounting because it seems safer and more rational, you are breaking the greatest law of life: the law of free will — your own free will. Your mind might force you to settle, but your soul will never forgive you. And one day, when it’s truly too late, that wound will ache far more than any physical illness ever could.

Advice 2

Never believe anything or anyone 100%. Not because people always lie, but because every one of us is living this life for the first time, and anyone can be mistaken about anything. I only realized at forty that all the knowledge I had was a stew made of things I’d heard from other people. And not a single one of those things was an ultimate truth.

Whenever you hear something, ask yourself: «Do I like this information? Am I sure I want to take it as truth? Will it help me in life?» If not — leave room for doubt. Especially when you hear statements in absolute terms: «Everyone, nobody, never, always.»

We often believe «authoritative» sources: books, documentaries, news. But even those are created by ordinary people like you and me, and they, too, may carry errors and biases. After all, people once believed the earth was flat, and Columbus was convinced he had reached the shores of India…

Advice 3

Never allow yourself to be a victim! Remember: living as a victim — no matter what the situation — is a choice, an unconditional surrender. «They hurt me,» «I can’t do it,» «I can’t find a good job» — these are all chains of choices.

If you truly lack the strength and confidence to move forward, then give yourself a single day to cry, to suffer — but then get back up and keep going. Nothing good ever comes out of victimhood. And you don’t want to live a bleak, empty life where most of your energy is spent on complaints and self-pity, do you?

Advice 4

Never take offense at other people’s words. Those who speak hurtful things are themselves lacking love and are deeply suffering. That doesn’t mean you must put on the savior’s mask and rescue every unhappy soul. But remember: every word someone utters speaks about them, not about you.

As Kipling said: «If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same.» Be indifferent to the words of others — they are only sound.

Advice 5

At the same time, never allow anyone to truly wound you. If your partner or a friend ever says something that shatters your heart into pieces — leave, without looking back. In all the years with your grandfather, our relationship had its ups and downs, and it took time to grow. But never once did either of us say something cruel enough to break the other. That would have been the beginning of the end.

Advice 6

Never wound others yourself. Yes, you may know that words reflect the speaker, not the listener — but others can be scarred for life by careless words. Watch what comes out of your mouth. And never gossip behind someone’s back. Everything you bring into the world should carry light.

If you can’t shine, then at least write down your frustrations and anger on paper — and burn it. Your heart will feel lighter, and your conscience will rejoice that you didn’t release that inner trash onto other people.

Advice 7

Fill your heart with love. My life became more beautiful and amazing when I discovered this secret. Once I learned to warm my heart with unconditional, soft love, misfortunes began to bypass me. I’ve been practicing this for over half a century — and it never fails.

Learn not to judge or condemn, but to look at people as God would. That is a powerful skill.

Advice 8

Don’t waste your resources on negativity. If something or someone irritates you — quietly walk away. By any means, at any cost — but leave. No one should ever matter more in your life than you do. Yes, I say this confidently even as a wife and mother of four! Without this rule, I doubt I would have such a beautiful family.

Advice 9

Trust your intuition. Sometimes things don’t work out simply because they are not meant for you. And sometimes, you just need to try another path, look for a different way forward. I’ve noticed in my life that the things that didn’t happen were usually the ones that would have turned out worse than I truly wished for. For example, we never managed to go to our local opera house — either we didn’t get the tickets in time, or someone caught a cold, or friends invited us to something else on the very same night… Yet when it came to Italy, everything fell perfectly into place! Your grandfather and I decided that we just weren’t meant to hear Tosca on that level — our hearts were calling for La Scala.

And there was another story. Some forty years ago, I longed to open a bakery. But everything seemed against me: one problem with the premises, another with the sanitary rules. I ran around endlessly, and at one point I almost gave up, when yet another obstacle appeared. That day, I went to sit by the river and listened quietly to myself: Is this truly mine, or not? And then I understood — yes, I will open this bakery, because I truly want it with all my heart! From that very moment, everything started resolving itself with ease, as if the nuts were cracking open by themselves. And now, you know, that bakery not only supports our family, but people love our bread and pastries.

Advice 10

Have children thoughtfully. By the age of twenty, nature begins to nudge a woman toward the irresistible desire of becoming a mother. You know that feeling when you see a toddler on the street, and your heart aches for your own. But we are social beings. Have children not only when instincts pull you, but when there is stability, time, a mature and steady mind — and, of course, money. Always keep in the back of your mind that life is unpredictable, and you may one day be left alone with your child. If that ever happens, you must have enough stability to carry on without falling into despair.

Advice 11

Respect your body. In relationships, in what you eat and drink, in how you move and live. How you treat your body in youth and middle age determines how it will serve you in old age. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about! (At this point Grandma got up from her chair and squatted ten times.) So — be active. And before eating or drinking something, ask yourself: Will this nourish me, or not? But don’t drive yourself mad over «healthy» food. A glass of wine in Provence never hurt anyone. Far worse is tormenting yourself by forbidding that little bun you so crave.

Advice 12

And in addition to that: love of life is the best medicine of all. You can spend endless hours on sports and diets, deprive yourself of every pleasure — but if you walk around gloomy as a cloud, carrying a heavy bag of… well, you know what — illnesses will catch up with you all the same. And when they do, it will be no small matter.

Advice 13

Always keep an inner sense of support. Remember: you are the one shaping everything that happens to you. And if ever you lack confidence in yourself, hold on to the thought that there is a loving force standing behind you — call it God, or the Higher Power, if you wish — and it supports you always. Perhaps it sounds strange, but it is true. Believe me on that.

Advice 14

By the way, don’t believe in the god invented by religions. That is nothing but the fruit of sick human imagination, created to keep people in fear and under control. There is no punishing god — that idea is nonsense. Only humans can judge, condemn, and punish.

If God exists, He is a force, not capable of emotions, rewards, or punishments. I see Him as an energy that responds to human thoughts, reflecting them outward into the world. I cannot say this with certainty, but often it seems to me that we ourselves are gods who have simply forgotten our divine nature and our limitless power. Otherwise, how could I explain the countless wondrous events that happened at the very moment I awaited them with unwavering faith?

Advice 15

And flowing from that — guard your thoughts. Every negative thought, every complaint, is nothing but a stumbling block you place before yourself. Learn to be happy each day. Just because! You will be amazed at how quickly life begins to change in tune with those thoughts.

I bought my very first car in the most wonderful way: I had nothing then, but suddenly I longed deeply for a car — to take the children around, to shop at the market more easily. Day and night I pictured it: me driving it, me loading groceries into the trunk. And within a month, the car was mine! Oh, how people gossiped about me then! And I went off to learn how to drive… Yes, I had thought of the car, but forgot about the license!

Advice 16

Always carry that inner support within you. How can I explain… You know, sometimes when you are sure of something, you can almost feel a core inside holding you steady. Your back is straight, your eyes shine, your head is lifted high. And even without a word, you know deep inside that you can handle anything.

That core should always be with you. In every endeavor, in every beginning — know that you have your own resource to succeed.

It is not the weakest who give up. Those who give up are the ones who don’t believe in themselves.

But those with fire in their eyes and souls — they always win!

Advice 17

Never do anything just to prove something to someone. That path always ends poorly. If a classmate once called you «chubby» and you lost weight out of spite — the triumph will be short-lived, because soon enough someone else will find something else to criticize.

Trying to meet the expectations of others, trying to shine just to be admired — that is the path of the ego.

The true path is acting out of love, for love, and for yourself.

For example: if you strive to earn money only to prove to your parents that you deserve their love — you will never get that love this way. But if you earn well so that your child may have a good education, or to travel five times a year — then, yes, you will find success and fulfillment.

Advice 18

Perhaps the most important of all. Remember: you are living your own life. And in your life, things must be arranged so that you feel well.

Repeat this to yourself again and again. When faced with the choice of sacrificing yourself for others, remember that you are living your own life. And you must feel well first of all.